Prelude: Weathering Some Insidious Split


Do not vow
…………………to fix
this shredded rage
or tip
these vintage chains
………..or nick
these tinted veins.
Just loose my ragged limbs
………………….and stir the gentle
waves, these
vivid tinny drifts of wayward
………………………….song.

..

Written (early) for The Sunday Whirl Wordle.

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16 Responses to Prelude: Weathering Some Insidious Split

  1. “insidious split” (and its rhyming counterpart) gave me a really good laugh. Excellent title!

    I think this is about an impending divorce (or breakup)—one person trying to fix the other person, or fix the relationship by forcing things to line up. There’s such irony in your opening line. I can hear your sarcastic tone. “Don’t bother with vows NOW! And certainly don’t vow to FIX me or give me tips on how to improve myself.”

    “or nick
    these tinted veins” … Now here, it starts to sound like you’re talking to yourself … out of slitting your wrists.

    I love this: “vivid tinny drifts of
    wayward song” … However, I would make a change in your line breaks/spacing. I think to draw out the rhyme, you should emphasize the sound in “wayward” instead of “song.” Also, I would love “drifts of wayward” to be on a line together. You might consider this:

    waves, these
    vivid tinny drifts of wayward
    ………………………………………………………………………song” (making “song” veer off on its own, having gone wayward … although, the rhythm would probably be better with “of wayward” on its own line)

    This is my favorite: “tip
    these vintage chains”

    And this:
    “Just loose my ragged limbs
    and stir the gentle
    waves” … I LOVE “stir the gentle” on its own line.

    Some of this poem is a bit of a tongue twister. :) But it’s fantastic!

  2. Laurie Kolp says:

    Lovely spin on the words, De… as ALWAYS!

  3. Beth says:

    Just popping in to say that I really, really enjoyed your poem in Sprout Serenity. Thanks for sharing it! xoxo

    • whimsygizmo says:

      Ohhhhh! Thank you, Beth. I LOVED your piece on finding peace in the storm…and your Community Garden…especially about giving yourself grace. Oh, how I need to learn to do that. I can’t wait to explore your art site. Thank you so much for stopping by!

  4. Missing you, love bug. I’m about to go on strike. ;)

    Just kidding; hope you’re well.

  5. JulesPaige says:

    I like your wayward drifting wordle…It has been fun to see where this list has taken wordlers this week.
    I’m here:
    http://julesgemsandstuff.blogspot.com/2012/08/sw-70-feathers-flights-and-foundlings.html

  6. seingraham says:

    I am so with Jules – it has been flat-out fascinating to see where these particular words have led poets this week – not often to the same terrain – love this drifting wordle De, it felt floating and terse at the same time … not an easily achievable state … nice

    http://thepoet-tree-house.blogspot.ca/2012/08/grey-matters.html

  7. Sarav says:

    Love, love, love “do not vow to fix this shredded rage” hit me where I live–spectacular!!

  8. Oooooh! “vivid tinny drifts of wayward………………………….song.” That waxed lyrical! I always love me some Ghimsywizmo!

  9. brenda w says:

    Gorgeous….effortless… I love music as a fix.

  10. Anne says:

    This is great – and I love your work in August’s edition of ‘Tuck’. Great to ‘meet’ you :-)

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