The Herculean Rap

(Lyrical Labours of Love, Dread and Bloodshed)

Strangle the lion
’til it’s dead.
Kill the Hydra
(all nine heads).
Trap the deer
and capture the pig
(you’re almost halfway there,
now dance a jig.)

Clean all the crap
from the Augean stables.
Oh, did we mention: in one day?
(Perhaps reroute a river, if you’re able.)

Now, slay those crazy Stymphalian Birds
(watch out for their bronze beaks of war.)
Tired? Tough. You ain’t done yet.
That was six; there are still four more.

Bully the bull
and steal the mares.
Go for the girdle,
if you dare.
Grab the cattle
from the monster Geryon.
Hey! That’s 10! Whew!
Aren’t your labours done?

Oops, nope. Numbers 2 and 5 won’t do.
(You can’t have help; you can’t get paid.)
Before your laborious time is through,
just add two more and you’ll have it made:

Steal the apples of Hesperides
(Watch Atlas shrug, perhaps he’ll help.)
Capture Cerberus, the hounds of hell.
(This time the brain count is only three.)

There now, see? Was that so hard?
Dude, today you’re earnin’ that Man Card.

But –
No time for rest. No time for peace.
Get back out there and find that Golden Fleece.


Prompted by Margo’s poem tryouts.


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6 Responses to The Herculean Rap

  1. whimsygizmo says:

    You can read more about the labours of Hercules here:

  2. hahahaha, “Dude, today you’re earnin’ that Man Card.” That is great, De, and that’s a wrap ; )

  3. Well, the narrator has the fine job of cracking the whip – that’s where it’s at! 🙂 This is another one that is quite hilarious. Fine job. Made me remember my four years of Latin. ugh. Love your English spelling of labour!

  4. Misky says:

    LOL! Loved this completely!

  5. playful pomegranate says:

    What a great subtitle! I really like the first four lines, the part about the Stymphalian Birds, and the part about the Man Card. But I actually think this is about a woman’s life, not a man’s. Maybe a mom’s.

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