Lullaby with Teeth

(an ovillejo)

Screenshot 2015-05-29 10.07.19

written for dVerse.

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19 Responses to Lullaby with Teeth

  1. Bryan Ens says:

    This is lovely! I’m curious, though, why did you choose this form, and how do you feel that the form you chose emphasizes the point you are making with your poem?

    • whimsygizmo says:

      The word “Ovillejo” literally means “tight little bundle.”
      I love the form because it not only says so much in so few words, it hides its inner sentence (and in this case with a slightly different meaning), and then reveals it at the end. I like its repetition without feeling repetitive. Like the line, my heart often remains hidden, sometimes revealing itself (moved, morphed, changed) only in the end.

  2. whimsygizmo says:

    (I was also hoping it might be the only one of its kind for your form prompt. When I first heard of the Ovillejo and googled it, there was so little out there. That is still the case. I absolutely adore this little yarn ball of a form.)

  3. mia says:

    I love the title and the first two lines, especially. But most of all, your explanation. Perfect answer for Bryan. I’m a faux haiku girl, all the way. But you turned me on to the tanka, which I roll over into if I need to say more than a “haiku” will hold.

  4. claudia says:

    a lullaby for adults that know that life has its teeth and grit and found a way to find rest and peace anyway… cool use of the form

  5. Sabio Lantz says:

    actually, this sounded funny to me.
    maybe I misread it — as if “form” can cure.
    sarcasm?

  6. kanzensakura says:

    My quill can quell storms….I often write to soothe myself or cheer myself up. I’v never heard of this form so it is very interesting to me. I am a traditional haiku writer and sometimes tanka because I like the “tight little bundles”. I often free verse but this is a great form. It suits you well.

  7. Glenn Buttkus says:

    I am not sure, but dVerse may have included this cool form on a MTB/FFA prompt; it kind feels familiar, but that might be because you mastered it so well, writing a lot into the “bundle”. I like haiku as part & parcel of something larger, like Haibun; and adding two 7 syllable lines to it to form a Tanka is cool as well.

  8. I you would ever should chose a form it would be this…the rhyme and slanted rhymes add so much.. and yes I see the skein aspect of it.. I must try this some time.

  9. DELL CLOVER says:

    As always, a phenomenal write.

  10. I love the repetition and how it slowly reveals itself as the reader continues through your poem. I think you chose the perfect form for your piece as well 🙂

  11. What a delightful form. Your incorporation of so much rhyme–both internal and endline–makes me think that this form would work so well for children’s poetry. I had never encountered the form. I bet dVerse might like you to present it for Meeting the Bar.

  12. Mary says:

    As always, wonderful wordplay! I am especially fond of the ‘quill’ and the ‘quell.’

  13. Writing helps – but the heart is hard to rein in!

  14. X says:

    Too much form will surely kill the heart,
    and perhaps the art – Heh. Just my opinion.
    Also made me think of guarding your heart
    but then again how do you know you are not
    keeping good things out.

  15. Ah.. yes… to express.. to express
    in no restraint of freedom
    in a path out of pain
    of stress.. never
    in requiem..
    of stifled
    soul.. and
    heArt of Spirit!..:)

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