Unbundled

..

Take my heart, this ball of yarn
…….(unarmed)
and wrap it ’round your chest.
…….I rest
within this knitted quiet place,
…….my case
of lies unraveled, strewn to space.
The needles don’t sting;
I feel nothing.
…….…….Unarmed, I rest my case.

 

 

..
I’m tendin’ bar over at d’Verse today, and we’re playing around with the Ovillejo.
C’mon over and check it out! And be sure to go barhoppin’ to read some great poems.

 

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26 Responses to Unbundled

  1. Mary says:

    Bravo! You set a high bar with your poem, De!

  2. Oh I love it… we have a tendency to fall… and the metaphor of knitting works so well …

  3. Glenn Buttkus says:

    Very imaginative & clever; great illustration for us of the form.Using the yarn metaphor to match the English translation is cool.

  4. Sanaa Rizvi says:

    Oh De this is such a lovely Ovillejo 😀
    Beautifully done!!

    Lots of love,
    Sanaa

  5. Grace says:

    Very clever weaving specially the last line ~ You make this form effortless De ~

  6. Misky says:

    Oh my! Clever and wonderful. Very De–lightful!

  7. Waltermarks says:

    To be unarmed takes more bravery than most people know. Well written

  8. This form is right up your alley. You rock clever.

  9. Truedessa says:

    This form really does have a nice flow and makes for some interesting poetry. I rest my case..smiling..cool ending..

  10. rythaephua says:

    Oh with this, I think I got it write now……………..what the “ovillejo” is all about. Better luck to me next time. Thank you, Whimsygizmo. It’s clear and well understood. Bravo…..

  11. rythaephua says:

    Reblogged this on Rytha Ephua and commented:
    Forgive me, I got to reblog this!

  12. sreejaharikrishnan says:

    Excellent… within this knitted quiet place…that line is gem!

  13. MarinaSofia says:

    Carefully constructed (almost knitted, one might say) metaphor throughout, well sustained right to the end – excellent! Particularly like the end line, which was unexpected.

  14. lillian says:

    Okay….this is masterful. The last line comes together so very well. Love the imagery…unbundled, this case of lies. Excellent!! Never thought about the use of a parentheses — really wisely placed within the context here. I feel like I’m learning from the master 😊. So glad you tended bar!

    • whimsygizmo says:

      Thanks so much for your generous words, Lillian. I’m far from a master, but practice does help, and it’s a form I love. You won’t get me to write a decent sestina anytime soon, that’s for sure (just the name brings hot sweats). I’m having a blast tending bar, and I’ve loved reading your words this week!

  15. Oh boy! Is this ever good!

  16. Bodhirose says:

    Really good, De! This is one of those forms that I feel I’ll be going back to and giving it another try. It was fun, but kind of grueling. ;~)

  17. This is such a tight piece of poetry, very impressive. I love how you managed to slot your lines together so well without loosing any of the momentum,

  18. vbholmes says:

    First, thanks for the great prompt and introduction to the ovillejo–even more so for the fine example above. Well done.

  19. Bryan Ens says:

    Love the idea of a heart being a ball of yarn wrapped around the loved one’s chest.

  20. Sumana Roy says:

    brilliantly knitted and a stellar close…thanks for the prompt…

  21. M says:

    not enough brain space to figure this out, De, but admire it nonetheless… cheers ~

  22. sMiLes..
    i mUst
    say thiS certainly iS
    inspiRinG
    letTinG iT aLL hang out now
    WitH blesSinGs
    no lonGer disguiSinG
    wHere secret soNgs stronG
    RefRain.. echoes Free liVingSoNGs..:)

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