Keep it concrete. Neat. Enlongate both sentences
and piece. There’s a war in Syria, perhaps, or a junkie’s
needle in a haystack that needs further examination. Don’t
rhyme in the middle; reason throughout. Tell a story
instead of humming a song. Maybe there’s a soldier. Maybe
there’s a saint. Maybe there’s a small starving child somewhere
who walks three miles for clean water every day. Maybe she has
Keep it relevant and reverent, in the voice of the street. Yo,
it’s whack the way the sidewalks bleed. The way the yellow
don’t say saffron police tape blows around in the heat.
The way the steam rises from the asphalt. The way the cop
clicks his pen when he doesn’t want to ask a question. The
way the chalk might be a child’s drawing if you slant your
head just right.
Keep it going straight. Don’t play with staggered placement
or stutterings. The world’s relentless, all thud thud thud and
paperwork. The tale is wagging the dog. The dog is tired. The
tires are worn. There’s a Shell station up ahead with a burned
out S. Pray the air pressure gauge works. Pray it doesn’t. Grab
some beef jerky and some Fritos and some sort of unnaturally
green drink. Pay in quarters.
Keep the change.
Prompted by Toads.
A twist and surprisingly good shift at the ” tail of the dog wagged”
Thanks for dropping in to read mine
I. LOVE. This! The dog is damned tired. I love this very unexpected write from you……every line, amazing.
This is wonderful, and aren’t we all ,at times, tired. So well done.
Yes, tired…damn tired of a lot of things. This is fabulous!!
First of all I love your title, and the first surprise is of course your very different style, then you go all Ginzberg and put words on alienation. Brilliant
whatever. you. do. don’t. end. periodically. just. keep going.
love this one, De ~
Didn’t you mean to have “not” in the title? It kind of jacks with the whole point of the poem that you left it out. 🙂
That being said, this is ingenious poetry … particularly for me, who knows every freckle on the body-electric of your poetics.
Yep. Thank you. Fixing it now. I had to retitle it to get it to fit on Mr. Linky over at Toads, and then retitle it again the way I wanted, and I messed it up.
I knew you would particularly “get” me on this one, especially title, and all the directives within. 😉
You use this non-native style like a hammer to pound the nail of the world into the crucifix it holds us on–but I am making an eleaborate metaphor up that really contradicts your poem’s spirit. Very naked and very real an experience, DE. Also, very real poetry, even without saffron.
So strange to read you like this but not any smidge less entertaining or awesome…truly – love the twisted you, too, de!! 🙂