Regrets, Get Your Regrets!

..

Regrets, get your regrets!
Your troubles and your frets!

Bad relationships? We’ve got ’em,
and just when you think you’ve hit rock bottom,
we can add that fifth divorce to the pile.

Job you hate?
There’s no debate!
And oh, we’ve got clothes that were never in style.

Ill-advised haircuts and piercings!
Bad uniforms, hairnets and weird things
you’ve had to wear and do for every job.

Convenience store sushi!
That dozen-donut binge!
And that time you drunk-kissed that guy named…Bob?

Regrets! Get your regrets!
Your dumpings, doubts and debts!

We’ve got pictures, and video.
Yep, plenty of evidence!

All the books you’ve never finished!
All the giant cakes you have.
We’ve even got that time you rocked a Snuggie…in mauve.

You bought too much house, remember?
You went swimming in December
and just about froze your a$$ets off.

Regrets! Get your regrets!
Every single shame, and let’s
talk about that time you crashed your Daddy’s car.

Yikes! You’ve never been to Paris!
And you’ve only rode the Ferris
wheel with creeps who tried to take it way too far.

Student L0an$! Traffic cones!
Late-night snacks! Paperwork stacks!
All the roads you’ve never traveled,
and the ones that got you crashed.

Shower singing, booger flinging,
forgot to floss, flipped off your boss.
All the minutes that you’ve wasted;
all the quinoa and kale you’ve tasted.

Throw the towel in, hit the floor;
and what’s more, you
never have to have another regret;
we’ve had ’em all for you!
(We’ve emptied our store, we have nothing left to give.)

Regrets! Get your regrets!

Now,
wad them in a ball and pitch them,
’cuz if you really want to be rich, then:
raise your head high,
laugh at yourself,
and just live.
 

..
PAD, day 26

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3 Responses to Regrets, Get Your Regrets!

  1. Shawna says:

    De, this is awesome!!! I LOVE the second stanza.

    Also these:

    “Your dumpings, doubts and debts!

    We’ve got pictures, and video.
    Yep, plenty of evidence!” (Yikes!)

    Now I want sushi. 😛

    “All the books you’ve never finished!
    All the giant cakes you have.” … Giggles. Love the mauve Snuggie in the next line. 🙂

    “Shower singing, booger flinging,
    forgot to floss, flipped off your boss.” … You are cracking me UP!

    “and what’s more you” … Boy is that the truth; great line break.

    “raise your head high,
    laugh at yourself,
    and just live.” … Yes. This is the perfect ending. Such a good poem, De.

  2. Olga says:

    Regrets! Wonderfully written. Brought back memories, but when I look back, no regrets. Just acceptance of what was meant to be, except for a young man in my early days that I met on a train and he couldn’t stay. That was a regret!

  3. Just Barry says:

    Damn you. I wish I had written this. So very good!

    This feels like performance poetry. You should consider making an audio file of you performing it. Really well conceived and executed!

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